Pinstripe's Played Games

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"Adventures in the Tomb of Ilfane" by Willershin Rill, by Richard Goodness writing as The Water Supply writing as Willershin Rill
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (11 ratings)

Millennia ago, the Autarch Ilfane used a magical artifact called The Knot to bring the Teresten people to an era of prosperity. Now, the Nazi archaeologist Doktor Chirlu seeks its power. Get ready, Professor...

"Incident! Aliens on the Teresten!" by Tarquin Segundo, by Richard Goodness writing as The Water Supply writing as Tarquin Segundo
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (12 ratings)

The scientist Chirlu created The Knot to be a source of peace and prosperity for the galaxy. But a routine training mission turned into terror when the bloodthirsty Ilfane attacked. Get ready, young space...

"Terror in the Immortal's Atelier" by Gevelle Formicore, by Richard Goodness writing as The Water Supply writing as Gevelle Formicore
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (11 ratings)

Chirlu the Immortal has menaced the Land of Teresten for too long! Locked inside the sorcerer's atelier, inside the Ilfane, is the source of Chirlu's power: The Knot, where all mana connects. Get ready,...

1981, by Anonymous
Average member rating: (30 ratings)

(author is Adam Cadre, but game is unsigned)

69,105 Keys, by David Welbourn
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (80 ratings)

There's just one room. How hard can it be? Just unlock the door. Oh. There's 69,105 keys.

9:05, by Adam Cadre
Average member rating: (535 ratings)

The phone rings. Oh, no — how long have you been asleep? Sure, it was a tough night, but... This is bad. This is very bad. The phone rings.

Ad Verbum, by Nick Montfort
Average member rating: (134 ratings)

"With the cantankerous Wizard of Wordplay evicted from his mansion, the worthless plot can now be redeveloped. The city regulations declare, however, that the rip-down job can't proceed until all the items...

All Things Devours, by half sick of shadows
Average member rating: (94 ratings)

From the game's about command: "All Things Devours is a short piece of interactive fiction, leaning strongly towards the text-adventure end of the spectrum. It explores an all-too-familiar science fiction...

Anchorhead, by Michael Gentry
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (393 ratings)

You take a deep breath of salty air as the first raindrops begin to spatter the pavement, and the swollen, slate-colored clouds that blanket the sky mutter ominous portents amongst themselves over the little...

And Then You Come to a House Not Unlike the Previous One, by B.J. Best
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (66 ratings)

Title: Infinite Adventure Year: 1986 Genre: Adventure Summary: Wander through an apparently infinite number of spooky mansions, solving a basic puzzle in each one. ForgottenGames.com rating: ★ ★ ★

ASCII and the Argonauts, by J. Robinson Wheeler
Average member rating: (18 ratings)

In this wonderfully laconic spoof of the Scott Adams style of adventures, you play as Jason of the Argo, tasked by King Pelias to bring the Golden Fleece to him or die. Surprisingly both entertaining and...

Assembly, by Ben Kirwin
Average member rating: (21 ratings)

Today has been an extraordinarily long day. You picked up the keys to your new apartment in the morning, you went shopping for furniture in the afternoon, and you've spent the evening putting it together. ...

Babel, by Ian Finley
Average member rating: (155 ratings)

In this game, you play as an amnesiac inside Babel, an abandoned Arctic facility devoted to biological research. You soon discover that you have the unusual ability to witness scenes from the past by...

Best Gopher Ever, by Arthur DiBianca
Average member rating: (23 ratings)

Help the unfortunate residents of Fairview! (Who are all animals, by the way.) A light puzzle game for all ages.

The Binary, by Bloomengine
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (19 ratings)

The Timeline must be sanctified. Relive the same few minutes over and over again, attempting to stop a bullet from changing history.

Bronze, by Emily Short
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (286 ratings)

When the seventh day comes and it is time for you to return to the castle in the forest, your sisters cling to your sleeves.

Burn the Koran and Die, by Poster
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (19 ratings)

It is the one sacred cow remaining in American political life. You are a rebellious student at a typically oppressive PC college. What happens next? Whatever you do, don't burn the Koran, or you'll die.

Byzantine Perspective, by Lea Albaugh
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (56 ratings)

Your task is simple enough. Just nab the chalice.

Castle of the Red Prince, by C.E.J. Pacian
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (54 ratings)

Welcome to Amaranth, foreigner. The Red Prince haunts your dreams, you say? If you want to overthrow our tyrant, you’ll need to consider this whole blighted land at once. (Castle of the Red Prince is a small...

CODENAME OBSCURA, by Mika Kujala
Average member rating: (11 ratings)

It's the year 1987. As an undercover operative Sinus for the T.U.R.T.L.E organization, (Tactical Unit for Rapid and Thorough Lethal Espionage), you have recently been assigned to a task in Italy. A few weeks...

Color the Truth, by mathbrush
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (72 ratings)

Rosalita Morales is dead, and you have to figure out who did it. The four people closest to her had the motive and the means: her partner, her secretary, her ex-husband, and her sister. Re-live their...

De Baron, by Victor Gijsbers
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (160 ratings)

An evil nobleman, a kidnapped daughter and a father who wants to rescue her at any cost--that is not the way life works. Something much darker, something much more human, lies underneath. Een kwaadaardige...

Degeneracy, by Leonard Richardson
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (16 ratings)

The glitterings of Gold, Jewels, Tapestries, &c. belie the Corruption of he who 'til recently occupied this high Seat. A white Carpet, once flanked by Sycophants & Counsellors, now lies untravelled. It leads...

Detectiveland, by Robin Johnson
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (53 ratings)

New Losago, 1929 - a town full of creeps, clowns, mobsters and, if you know where to look, the occasional honest citizen. Guide private investigator Lanson Rose through a series of puzzling cases: solve the...

Distress, by Mike Snyder
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (23 ratings)

Lieutenant Huchess came to, an hour or so ago. That was around the time Runoma, blazing orange-hot so near this, its second planet, fell below the distant, jagged crag line. Ensign Covegn died not long after...

En Garde, by Jack Welch
Average member rating: (23 ratings)

A man who has lost his mind. A mouse who has lost his realm. A dog who has lost his family. And the scientist who will save the world.

Enchanter, by Marc Blank, Dave Lebling
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (109 ratings)

In Enchanter, the first of a spellbinding series in the tradition of Zork, you are a novice magician whom Fate has chosen to do singlehanded combat with a dark and fierce power. But worldly weapons will...

Endless, Nameless, by Adam Cadre
Average member rating: (53 ratings)

The first time I ever saw someone play a text adventure was in fifth grade. One of the sixth-graders didn't go to outdoor ed, and therefore spent the week in my fifth-grade classroom, playing Scott Adams's...

Enlightenment, by Taro Ogawa
Average member rating: (42 ratings)

"The intrepid Adventurer has escaped the caverns. Nought remains to block a successful escape but this troll here. Hmmm. A one-room adventure. The author recommends this for people who grew up on Zork II and...

Erstwhile, by Aster (formally Maddie) Fialla, Marijke Perry
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (63 ratings)

The neighborhood Thanksgiving party was going pretty well until you keeled over and died. Now you're a ghost, and you're going to figure out who killed you. But you can't exactly interview people or search...

Everybody Loves a Parade, by Cody Sandifer
Average member rating: (15 ratings)

You play as a woman driving a moving van across the United States to her new job as New York City's Assistant to the Chief Engineer. Your gas runs out when you arrive at Chewton, Arizona which is having its...

Fail-Safe, by Jon Ingold
Average member rating: (112 ratings)

Fate, by Victor Gijsbers
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (50 ratings)

You are nine months pregnant, and the contractions have already begun. Trapped in a castle with more enemies than friends, and Queen in name but not in influence, you fear for the future of your child. But...

First Things First, by J. Robinson Wheeler
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (23 ratings)

You’ve just arrived at home from your nightly visit to the science and invention section of the local public library, where you spend each night dreaming your dreamy dreams of one day inventing a time travel...

Foo Foo, by Buster Hudson
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (62 ratings)

Someone's been bopping the field mice on the head, and only Good Fairy, Senior Detective can find out who. A parser-driven noir adventure based on the interactive fiction of Ryan Veeder.

Frobozz Magic Support, by Nate Cull
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (7 ratings)

You play as a novice glyph support clerk but no one's around but an animated burin. It seems the more experienced support clerks are either lost, got themselves un-implemented, or got stuck in a timeloop....

Galatea, by Emily Short
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (335 ratings)

Emily Short's description: A conversation with a work of art. "47. Galatea. White Thasos marble. Non-commissioned work by the late Pygmalion of Cyprus. (The artist has since committed suicide.) Originally...

Gent Stickman vs Evil Meat Hand, by AZ / ParserCommander
Average member rating: (11 ratings)

Interactive Fiction Parser Game WITHOUT TEXT, just hand drawing graphics. Short, minimalist, difficult puzzles, full of help. Gent Stickman, the drawing in the door of the gentleman toilets must go to save...

Glowgrass, by Nate Cull
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (99 ratings)

You play as a xenohistorian on an expedition. You've been dropped (more literally than you planned) by a dropship over the ground of the Ancients. Your equipment was scattered and the dropship crashed. Now...

The Gostak, by Carl Muckenhoupt
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (89 ratings)

"Finally, here you are. At the delcot of tondam, where doshes deave. But the doshery lutt is crenned with glauds. Glauds! How rorm it would be to pell back to the bewl and distunk them, distunk the whole...

Grandma Bethlinda's Variety Box, by Arthur DiBianca
Average member rating: (36 ratings)

It's the latest model, and it would really like to play with you.

Guess the Verb!, by Leonard Richardson
Average member rating: (28 ratings)

"Now you too can GUESS THE VERB for fun and prizes! Read evocative and amusing room descriptions while manipulating interesting objects! Interact with the simulated motives and desires of quirky NPCs! No...

Hamlet -- The Text Adventure, by Robin Johnson
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (18 ratings)

Who really killed Hamlet's dad? Can the Prince ever 'get' Gertrude, or is that just wrong? What does Richard III want with a horse anyway? And where did the gravedigger get that gorgeous pink dress? Avenge...

Harmonia, by Liza Daly
Average member rating: (72 ratings)

Fuller, A. (b. 1966, d.?) 12 chapters, edited by E. Merchant. 091 Manuscripts—096 Illustrated—098 Prohibited works, forgeries, and hoaxes Signed permission from the Dean required for viewing. No exceptions.

Hollywood Hijinx, by Dave Anderson, Liz Cyr-Jones
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (32 ratings)

Vampire Penguins. A Corpse Line. Meltdown on Elm Street. Who could forget these classic Hollywood movies produced by your uncle, Buddy Burbank? But his greatest masterpiece has yet to be experienced......

I-0, by Anonymous
Average member rating: (157 ratings)

Stranded on Interstate Zero after your car broke down, you are miles away from the last sign of civilization. It's twenty minutes to noon and the temperature is well over 120°F. It's beginning to look like...

Igor's Quest, by Garry Francis
Average member rating: (2 ratings)

One day, Igor is minding his own business in the living room of Frankenstein's castle, when the doctor comes running down the stairs from his laboratory. He is clearly excited. "Igor! I've done it! The...

The Impossible Bottle, by Linus Åkesson
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (78 ratings)

Housework is only as dull as your imagination. Join Emma, six years old, on a playful adventure of peculiar proportions. Merciful puzzlefest. Parser or point-and-click, as you please. Web (including mobile)...

Inside the Facility, by Arthur DiBianca
Average member rating: (57 ratings)

Your friend Mike thinks no one can infiltrate THE FACILITY, but you're going to prove him wrong. A light puzzle game. In the author's opinion, it's totally family-friendly. (If you're playing the Browser...

Junior Arithmancer, by Mike Spivey
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (54 ratings)

A one-to-many-room puzzler.

KING OF BEES IN FANTASY LAND, by Brendan Patrick Hennessy
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (43 ratings)

A videogame about space bees.

LAKE Adventure, by B.J. Best
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (23 ratings)

═════════════════════════════ ...

Letters from Home, by Roger Firth
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (20 ratings)

"Centuries of ancestry, decades of memories, years of decline; now, barely two hours in which to reflect on the glorious past, that bygone golden age when nostalgia really meant something... " [--blurb from...

The Little Match Girl 2: Annus Evertens, by Ryan Veeder
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (12 ratings)

The little match girl is hired to assassinate a disgusting old man.

The Little Match Girl 4: Crown of Pearls, by Ryan Veeder
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (22 ratings)

A touching epic time travel fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen.

The Little Match Girl, by Hans Christian Andersen, by Ryan Veeder
Average member rating: (19 ratings)

A touching short story.

LUNIUM, by Ben Jackson
Average member rating: (18 ratings)

Can you escape your chains before the killer strikes again? You wake to find yourself trapped in a room filled with locks and strange contraptions. Someone has locked you in here and identifying them may...

The Lurking Horror II: The Lurkening, by Ryan Veeder
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (27 ratings)

An unauthorized sequel to the Infocom classic, written for the 2018 MIT Mystery Hunt.
Madam Spider's Web, by Sara Dee
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (38 ratings)

Make It Good, by Jon Ingold
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (84 ratings)

The call comes through. Of all the dicks; you get the call, sitting in the front seat of your car, hands shaking on the steering wheel. An urgent call; but all you were thinking of was the bottle in the...

Mean Mother Trucker, by Bitter Karella
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (15 ratings)

Big Ester is a mean mother trucker about to take her big rig down The Devil’s Taint, the most treacherous stretch of mountain road on the whole trucking circuit... but first she’s got to win the heart of the...

Möbius, by J.D. Clemens
Average member rating: (35 ratings)

Another mission. Just when you had settled in for a nap.

A Murder in Fairyland, by Abigail Corfman
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (20 ratings)

Prince Blacktree is dead. All of the other fairy nobles are trying to claim credit. You're a traveling Open Sorcerer, and a convenient neutral party who just wants to get out of Fairyland. A whodunit where...

My Evil Twin, by Carl Muckenhoupt
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (25 ratings)

After last night's all-nighter (I had an important report to do for work), I intended to sleep all through the day. But I can't afford to do that. Somewhere out there, my evil twin is plying his schemes, and...
A New Day, by Jonathan Fry
Average member rating: (9 ratings)
For some reason, the author of this game died while writing it, and so you're stuck in an unfinished room. The author's creation, Winston, asks you to find out what happened. Can you finish an unfinished...

Nord and Bert Couldn't Make Head or Tail of It, by Jeff O'Neill
Average member rating: (59 ratings)

You are standing at the edge of a barren field. A steady wind, having secreted away the topsoil, is now drifting sandy dirt across the plain. A scant sign of life here is a freshly-burrowed molehill on the...

Oppositely Opal, by Buster Hudson
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (64 ratings)

You've practiced long and hard for PotionComp, but Grusilda won't give up her title so easily. UGH! Curse that Grusilda! A one-room potion-brewing spell-casting parser puzzler, where things might go opposite...

Orevore Courier, by Brian Rapp
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (17 ratings)

The Party Line, by Robin Johnson
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (4 ratings)

A minimalist puzzle game set in a house party. Made for the AdventureX Jam 2020.

PataNoir, by Simon Christiansen
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (58 ratings)

The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.

Photopia, by Adam Cadre
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (558 ratings)

"Will you read me a story?" "Read you a story? What fun would that be? I've got a better idea: let's tell a story together."

Poor Zefron's Almanac, by Carl Klutzke
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (6 ratings)

The Prongleman Job, by Arthur DiBianca
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (14 ratings)

Break into Prongleman's house and steal a few valuables. Try and finish before he gets home. The Thieves' Society is counting on you.

Reference and Representation: An Approach to First-Order Semantics, by Ryan Veeder
Average member rating: (34 ratings)

Violence is the answer to this one.

A Rope of Chalk, by Ryan Veeder
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (35 ratings)

An account of the disastrous sidewalk chalk tournament of August 27, 2011.

Sage Sanctum Scramble, by Arthur DiBianca
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (23 ratings)

A grab bag of puzzles, mostly word puzzles. Collect keywords and save the Sanctum!

Savoir-Faire, by Emily Short
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (131 ratings)

The beautiful life is always damned, they say. As for you, you've overexpended yourself: fifteen years of prominence, champagne, carriage rides in the Tuileries, having your name whispered behind...

Scary House Amulet!, by Ricardo Dague
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (13 ratings)

You have green hair! Your name is Britney!! Legend says there is a valuable, powerful Amulet in the house, which may be retrieved by anyone who is daring! Do you dare?

Shade, by Andrew Plotkin
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (413 ratings)

"A one-room game set in your apartment." [--blurb from Competition Aught-Zero]

Shrapnel, by Adam Cadre
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (166 ratings)

Skies Above, by Arthur DiBianca
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (20 ratings)

Play minigames to get your airship flying, tour the skies, and see what mischief is going on up there. Champion of the Skies: Sarah Adams

Slouching Towards Bedlam, by Star Foster and Daniel Ravipinto
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (215 ratings)

In the beginning was the Word, and it was hungry. ...

So Far, by Andrew Plotkin
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (73 ratings)

Sitting in a cramped theatre, irritated that your partner apparently hasn't turned up, you are strangely intrigued by a current of air. It will lead you to a place very different from your own familiar...

Spider and Web, by Andrew Plotkin
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (310 ratings)

A vacation in our lovely country! See the ethnic charms of the countryside, the historic grandeur of the capital city. Taste our traditional cuisine; smell the flowers of the Old Tree. And all without...

Sting of the Wasp, by Jason Devlin
Average member rating: (36 ratings)

The Temple of Shorgil, by Arthur DiBianca
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (24 ratings)

One day, travel guides will talk about this "masterpiece of the Pirothian architect Kitral" -- but only if you, the first person to visit it in over 1,000 years, can find out what's inside. (Puzzle-oriented...

Terminal Interface for Models RCM301-303, by Victor Gijsbers
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (21 ratings)

A text terminal interface for interacting with your model RCM301-303 remote controlled mech.

Thy Dungeonman, by Videlectrix
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (9 ratings)

Thy Dungeonman 3, by Videlectrix
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (7 ratings)

Toby's Nose, by Chandler Groover
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (109 ratings)

A murder most foul has been committed and Sherlock Holmes is on the case. You are his dog.

Toonesia, by Jacob Weinstein
Average member rating: (21 ratings)

From the introduction: "Oooh, that rascally rabbit! You were out hunting him when he somehow got the jump on you, blindfolded you, and dumped you into a cell. Well, you’ll show him. He’ll be hasenpfefer by...

Treasures of a Slaver's Kingdom, by S. John Ross
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (48 ratings)

In the cruel kingdoms north of the Viraxian Empire, a barbarian seeks treasure - and vengeance! Having escaped the clutches of the Slaver King, he has vowed to pillage the wealth of the kingdom ... then...

Truth, by Carl Muckenhoupt (as John Earthling)
Average member rating: (8 ratings)

Somebody asked you what it really means to be true. Uncertain of how to respond, you have embarked on a quest to find truth!

Turandot, by Victor Gijsbers
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (45 ratings)

An operatic performance. A tale of atonement. A dating sim with a crocodile pit. Content warnings: sex; sexism and other gender issues; suicide; torture; homophobia; xenophobia.

Uncle Zebulon's Will, by Magnus Olsson
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (62 ratings)

Your eccentric Uncle Zebulon considered himself a wizard, and was rumoured to be very wealthy. But when he died, he only left you one single object in his will... Winner in the TADS division of the First...

Úrquel, the black dragon, by David T. Marchand
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (8 ratings)

A short hypertext adventure story about a dragon kidnapping a princess and a hero trying to rescue her. But it's also a joke about how silly the typical "you" character is in most IFs. And a commentary on...

Vain Empires, by Thomas Mack and Xavid
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (24 ratings)

The memoir of a demonic spy in the Cold War between Heaven and Hell.

The Vambrace of Destiny, by Arthur DiBianca
Average member rating: (19 ratings)

A light dungeon crawl. Tap spell gems to defeat monsters! In this game, all your commands are single keystrokes. You don't even have to press the enter key.

Varicella, by Adam Cadre
Average member rating: (131 ratings)

You are Primo Varicella, Palace Minister at the Palazzo del Piemonte. This title is unlikely to impress anyone. Piedmont is the laughingstock of the Carolingian League, and the Palace Ministry has devolved...

Very Vile Fairy File, by Andrew Schultz (as Billy Boling)
Average member rating: (12 ratings)

Well, your name is Kerry Kyle, so you can't be the worst person to destroy the Very Vile Fairy File.

Vespers, by Jason Devlin
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (174 ratings)

It has been five days, now. Five days since I made the choice. Five days since I closed the gate. Really, there was no choice. Rovato was damned when the first spot appeared: when the first bloody cough...
Vicious Cycles, by Simon Mark
Average member rating: (17 ratings)

Violet, by Jeremy Freese
Average member rating: (383 ratings)

Calm down. All you have to do is write a thousand words and everything will be fine. And you have all day, except it's already noon. [blurb from IF Comp 2008]

The Wand, by Arthur DiBianca
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (58 ratings)

Explore the wizard Bartholloco's castle with the help of a versatile magic wand. Can you overcome his challenge? Can you levitate a rock? Can you slice a baltavakia? (Puzzle-oriented and family friendly.)

Wishbringer, by Brian Moriarty
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (109 ratings)

It's an ordinary day in your ordinary little town, and you've been performing your ordinary mail clerk's duties in an altogether ordinary way. But there's something quite extraordinary in today's mail. It's...

The Wizard Sniffer, by Buster Hudson
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (129 ratings)

You were recently acquired by the brave Ser Leonhart and his squire to sniff out the evil shapeshifting wizard. Unfortunately, you are not a wizard sniffer (if such a thing even exists). As far as you can...

Xanthippe's Last Night with Socrates, by Victor Gijsbers
Average member rating: (23 ratings)

It's your last night together, for literal fuck's sake, but your husband is 'not in the mood'. Can you convince him to fulfil his marital duties? ...

Yes, Another Game with a Dragon!, by John Kean
Pinstripe's rating:
Average member rating: (27 ratings)

In this game, you play as a brawny adventurer heroically rescuing a fair maiden from a fire-breathing dragon. Oops, sorry, no, that was just a dream. You're actually an out-of-shape drunken lout. But then...

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