Nineteen

Less like a game, more like a reflection, Nineteen is an author's sharing of her experience with suicide and the insights she has gained over the years.

Gameplay is non-linear. It begins with a short but powerful sentence:

I was twelve the last time I tried to kill myself. That was nineteen years ago.

This sentence contains links that bring you to different moments in her life, and these are woven together through the links scattered across the narrative until we reach the game’s “end.” Depending on the parts you visit, you may need to play the game more than once to view everything.

The author gives us an intimate look into her life and even includes family photos. The details are best experienced through the gameplay in her own words. I’ll just focus on the game’s central theme: the critical role of friendship when struggling with depression.

She recognizes that this is easier said than done and writes about the struggle of not knowing how to convey the kind of support you need. Sometimes you're not even sure of what to ask for, and if you do, there's fear of what your friends may think.

Next, she reflects on how friends can be oblivious of the impact mundane actions can cause, for better or worse. Like when one friend sent her a silly picture of a cat (included in the game!), which was enough for her to want to remain in the moment.

Do they know?

Do they get that they might have just saved my life with that stupid cat macro?

On the flip side, an insensitive comment made by a favorite teacher resulted in feelings of rage- feelings she suppressed until she was alone.

Despite all this, the author concludes that "the only consistently valuable tool I have found has been my friends," and this realization is the product of over a decade of life experience.

As the game draws to a close, we receive this key insight...

Depression convinces you that you have no power. Sometimes you need friends to lend you some of theirs.

...only for the author to take this one step further.

There is always someone who will lend you power.

If you can't think of anyone else, think of me.

The player can then click on "think of me" to email the author! This also serves as the game’s ending. And what a brilliant way of doing so!

I’m not sure if it’s still active, though. The game was created in 2013.

I will say: the game’s implementation could be smoother. Some passages have no links, interrupting the flow of the story. There is no "back button," and the “Rewind” feature on the side of the screen only led to, “No passage available.” It may not occur to players to use the "back" button on their browser, forcing them to restart (like I did until I figured it out). Also, the text is rather small.

To conclude, Nineteen is a short Twine game that leaves a memorable impression on the player due to the author’s candid writing and heartfelt discussion on the difference a support group of friends can make. Her approach of paying it forward by reaching out to players is especially admirable. Play it and see what resonates with you.