MARIO CARDS

"Life is meaningless, we are but players of a game, and that game is MARIO CARDS".

MARIO CARDS has you being blindfolded and kidnapped by no other than Mario, who's going to play a card game with you whether you want to or not. The game consists of matching pairs of cards with Mario's face on them. Turns out this is just the start: you have more games to play, and MARIO CARDS was only the beginning. Early into the game, the author interrupts to say that he was a sleep-deprived wreck when he wrote it and he isn't even sure if it makes sense.

The game is full of awkward middle-schooler humor: the subtitle is "MARIO CARDS : The Text Adventure about a Card Game about Mario who's from a Video Game - I don't Play Them myself but my Brother plays Call of Duty and says it's Pretty Good so There You Go", and you're given the option to "kicK OVER THE TAble godadMN this is taking forever". There's regular jokes about life being meaningless or the general laziness of the game, such as railroading your choices or even saying "I'm a goddamn saint and you are going to play this through and appreciate it for the Art that it is." There's obligatory swearing and forced sex jokes ("At first you thought it was some kind of deprived sexual ritual of MARIO's, but he is literally a video game character and video game characters don't do that, unless they are a video character that does, then they do").

The game's ending declares that "NOBODY WINS AT MARIO CARDS," and that's right on the money. The game itself admits that it's aimless and nonsensical, and while I did find the writing and plot direction slightly amusing at points, it's not worth your time.