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5 people found the following review helpful:
Good start, February 13, 2021
Looks like a good intro and description of the story. I am always at least slightly put off when I read that the author “ran out of time.” I understand that may have been the case for a contest entry, but the author can always take the story down after the contest is over and finish it. I have seen many authors take that route. Either that, or simply live with what’s published, make it a complete story, and leave that line out.
I like the first page and the start of the story. I like the italics showing me that this is the past and setup for the story. I really like that I have a number of options on the first page as well. From a quick glance there, it looks like these options really have huge effects on the story, which is really great! Of course, because of those varied options, there appear to be a number of ways to end the story really quickly. I do appreciate the options and that they don’t lead back to one another with no effect, but some of the endings really do appear almost too soon.
I like the writing and the story. There are lots of good ideas in here, and I really like all the branching. Some of the pages are longer and have good dialogue and descriptions in them. I find it interesting that almost all of the endings allow me to restart, except the Peaceful ending. Nicely done, I do encourage you to write more, whether it is with this story or another!