Philateloids

So, you want to collect stamps, huh?

The protagonist (told in first-person) is an EXTREME STAMP COLLECTOR, a title worthy of all-caps. An exclusive club of collectors who pride themselves on collecting stamps in only the most extreme of circumstances. Unfortunately, it is going out of fashion in favor of IMPOSSIBLE STAMP COLLECTING.

At least according to Alex. So much so that it has become merely (lower-caps!) extreme stamp collecting. You need to prove that IMPOSSIBLE STAMP COLLECTING is not too difficult for you to handle. Even if it's just to prove Alex wrong.

Gameplay
Philateloids is a looping time travel adventure that doesn’t think too hard about logistics. Gameplay is centered around exploring four paths that potentially have IMPOSSIBLE STAMPS for you to find.

Time dilate into the far future
Astral project into a higher plane of existence
Infiltrate the mega-yacht of that gajillionaire
Just walk off into the fourth dimension

These paths have their own branching possibilities. Do you wear the sexy maid outfit or the general maid uniform? Do you study the ants or flush them into the vacuum of space? Regardless of what you choose, it will end in (Spoiler - click to show)death. There are many, many ways to die in this game.

But being (Spoiler - click to show)DEAD doesn’t stop you. You end up in the afterlife where you Inevitably make the wrong choice and/or tick off the wrong person, and you become DOUBLE DEAD, ending up in the meta-afterlife. You and Alex then wander about in search of IMPOSSIBLE STAMPS until Alex starts to annoy you, prompting you to KILL ALEX. After back-and-forth fighting you flip the tables and kiss Alex instead.

And then? You wake up in your apartment (aka “Next Morning: My Crappy Flat”), ready to go in a different direction. A good design feature of the game is how (Spoiler - click to show)you have options for fooling around in the afterlife, keeping things from getting repetitive every time you die.

I spent the better part of one hour trying to reach every branch I could find. I have no idea if there is an ending or an outcome that recognizes the player’s efforts, but if there isn’t, playing this game was still time well spent. It offers enough surprises and humor to not need a “Congratulations, Game Over!”

That said, an indicator of whether the game actually ends may be nice once the player has been at it for a while. If there is something I missed, I would be more than happy to revisit.

Characters/Story
Who’s Alex? Alex is the supporting protagonist in this game. Right off the bat, there is noticeable tension and unfinished business.

Check out Alex
Try not to check out Alex

Alex has a complicated relationship with our protagonist. In many ways this game is more about this relationship than it is about stamps. On the surface it seems to consist of petty rivalry about stamp collecting superiority, but this is underscored by the fact that they have feelings for each other.

While there is no explicit storyline, the game’s humor is a light-hearted playful gem. It’s effective because it often catches you off-guard.

So there's two ways to dilate time, as I understand it:
Go near an extremely massive object.
Travel extremely fast.

The sensible thing to do would be to find a black hole, the densest object known to science (denser subjects mean more time distortion). But no.

It was a funny moment for me.

Visuals
Philateloids ops to keep things simple and easy to read: Basic black screen with white text but also has fun with text effects and transitions. Keeping track of branches is manageable thanks to colour-coded links and the “undo” button available at the side of the screen.

Conclusion
I’ve been a fan of the author’s work for a while, and I found Philateloids to be a delight to play. C.E.J. Pacian has a talent for humor and descriptive imagery, and Philateloids exhibits both qualities. The game is also a shift from the author’s typical parser format, making it a nice change.

Initially, the game may seem overly silly, but that changes when you see how fearlessly it commits to its sense of humor. It is bold, unashamed, and that's what makes it work.

Your own bafflement at the game’s circumstances is mirrored by how NPCs’ take in the protagonist and Alex’s shenanigans. It illustrates the complicated dynamics between the two characters quite effectively.

At the end of the day, stamps aren’t the only thing that matters.
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