16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonalds

Seriously, even if you don't plan on playing this one, just open it up and get to the second page of text. Try and tell me that didn't get you instantly hooked.

16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonalds was recommended to me as one of the titles that inspired Social Lycanthropy Disorder, a game I enjoyed a lot but wished was just a bit more game-y. Lo and behold, that's almost exactly what 16 Ways is: a timed, supernatural, one(ish) room multi-solution puzzler where one of the biggest challenges is to not be weird. There don't seem to be many ways to get a bad end (which I did on my first go-around - I'm skilled like that), so the objective is mainly in trying to achieve a specific ending. I like this approach; Social Lycanthropy did it as well, and it reminds me of the design ethos behind immersive sims.

The puzzles themselves trend towards mostly easy, signposted solutions, but with the sheer number of endings and elements I think the alternative would be supremely frustrating. The bit where (Spoiler - click to show)you have to correct the wording of Corinthians, The Shepherd's Psalm, or St. Francis's prayer was neat, but, full disclosure, I just looked it up immediately. I thought it was a funny bit of roleplaying to have my character check her phone while being proselytized to.

You may have noticed I have yet to talk about the plot of 16 Ways. That's because the title tells you nearly all of it: you're a vampire hunter; you're in a McDonald's; there is a vampire. It's a classic boy-meets-girl meets heart-meets-stake. The story may be about as meaty as one-ply toilet paper, but the writing is still excellent. It starts strong and stays great, save for one extremely dated meme reference (2016 memes are dated now...god, I feel old).

The second highest praise I can give 16 Ways, after the title of this review, is that it engaged me enough to sit through its long, unskippable intro multiple times just to keep interacting with the world. That's a notable feat, since it does the older Twine game thing of text appearing on screen at timed intervals, no matter how fervently you click. 16 Ways to Kill a Vampire at McDonalds may be a little dated, and not all of the endings seem to have been crafted with the same level of care, but it's still as fun as it (presumably) was ten years ago.

Edit: the intro is, in fact, skippable. I'm leaving this up as-is, however, in tribute to man's hubris. Remember to double check your reviews before hitting publish, kids.