Between Two Worlds

I've been going through the cheapest Hosted Games, which are self-published games hosted on the Choice of Games platform.

This game has you play as a young adult in a war-torn kingdom who bounces between rival factions for the government while escaping a cult and gathering magic items.

The core concept of the game is a good one, and there is some fun in using magic spells and working with your one-eyed friend/romantic option partner to face off against enemies, and there are some mysteries set up with satisfying payoffs.

It needs a lot of work, though. There are numerous typos, including on the first full page of text. The pacing in terms of paragraph breaks, reactions to significant events, page breaks and word choices is really off. In four succeeding paragraphs, the player can have a loved one violently die, train for a week to buy a horse, ride it for a couple of days, then leave it behind, all while cracking jokes. Your partner can randomly offer you sex 'with no strings' despite very little other romance happening in the game. For some reason, the country map is a map of Turkey.

I think the author is capable of making this very solid; typos can be fixed with more beta testing, and the pacing whiplash could be solved by putting each major event on its own screen and fleshing it out with some more reactions by the player or descriptions of the surroundings or events. This definitely seems like the talent is there, but more time could be invested.