Stiffy Makane: The Undiscovered Country

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Offensively dull, February 5, 2021
So an IF member suggested that I review this story since apparently nobody else wanted to do it, which is odd since it has as of this review, over 15 ratings and there is an outside review of it linked.

Now I’m going to keep it “clean”, but given the subject matter, this review might still get a little “adult” in parts. Be prepared.

Okay, well immediately the game tells me to read the first one since there will be references I won’t get unless I do, which I’m loathed to do since that’s more work than I wanted to do. Happily it turned out, the first one wants me to download something weird to my computer in order to play it which solves that problem because I’m not about to download anything just to play it.

So I press on without the advantage of past references or whatever else the author wanted me to know. However, Star Wars and Star Trek are pretty well known, so those references are easy. Space Moose would be fairly obscure, but I actually knew about that one from knowing something of underground comics.

The references I didn’t know at all were the IF community members because quite frankly I don’t keep up on who’s supposed to be popular within those ranks. Couldn’t quite tell if these were meant to be playful jabs or outright insulting mockery by the author. First I’d heard of any of them, then again I hadn’t heard of the author of this story either until it was suggested to me.

I guess this game had music and graphics too, but I was just playing via the online link provided. Just as well since I could just judge it based on writing content alone.

Since I know this is primarily something known to be horribly offensive, I naturally attempt to engage in doing such things and soon learn that some of this isn’t the case. So it isn’t like I get to automatically force myself on anyone. Of course that might very well make it too easy, but the game could have gave a death scene or something for attempting it. Not sure why so many IFs shy away from death.

It was also my understanding that the protagonist, Stiffy was some sort of sexual degenerate to the Nth degree, so I was sort of surprised when I couldn’t try to sex up the old lady or the corpses. Already I’m disappointed with how this was handled.

I mean even if the author for some strange reason didn’t want to really push those “boundaries” like he was attempting to do, there were better ways than just “You don’t want to do that.”

For example, the old lady had a pistol, she could have shot you in the groin or something which could have made for a funny scene about feeling pain despite it being a hologram and how you decide not to try that again.

Hell, I could have written a whole amusing fail scene alone for the corpse one.

"You've never really tried cold packing before, but a hole's a hole right? You go over the corpses and try to pick out the most intact one. You eventually find one that looks like Kristen Bell, if Kristen Bell was horribly burned all over, missing a leg and had maggots crawling in her orifices. Closing your eyes and remembering episodes of "The Good Place" you get started... Five minutes later you're retching and busily trying to brush the maggots off your penis. One thing you've learn from all this, is you're definitely not cut out for necrophilia."

Well that’s what I would have written anyway.

So the first two sex encounters with the hologirl and the engineer are pretty dull. Barely pornographic compared to say that Sexual Service Act game.

The next two encounters get super graphic with the gay furry alien sex. Technically the Space Moose rapes you, but it’s one of those things where gay furry alien rape is apparently full of lols. The arena gay sex battle with the Klingon was just an exercise in attempting to make the porn amusing. Just seemed like it was trying too hard though.

Eventually I wind up on the bridge again and I was trying to figure out where to go next. I tried to go to the planet where my engineer apparently went, but the computer didn’t recognize that command. Actually, all throughout the game the parser was a bit on the annoying side with being precise.

Not really feeling very motivated to play anymore or figure out how to proceed, I just left Stiffy to wander his ship forever alone. It’s completely possible I missed out on the greatest stuff yet to come in the game, but it seemed like that was as good of an end as any.

Now based on one of the outside reviews, there was some mention of this being satire which is definitely was as far as the whole Star Trek/Wars thing, the problem is that’s been parodied so much (Even in a sexual way) that it’s dull.

The review also mentions how it was doing some sort of ground breaking in “feminism.”

Lol, no. Just no.

First of all let’s not mistake what this game is and giving it “status” where it doesn’t really exist. The game basically has you getting raped by a giant space moose. Fairly certain rape of any kind played for laughs is the very antithesis of any sort of feminist theory. (Not to mention this rape has the protagonist have some sort of “gay awakening.” I can see THAT one being pretty problematic with a certain crowd.)

I guarantee this game wasn’t written to make some sort of statement of how the objectification of the ladies is wrong and all that. It was just porn that focused more on the gay furry alien sex rather than the hetero kind and was written for the lols. That’s it.

Didn’t really do it for me though of course. I could probably just turn on the TV if I wanted to see bad Star Wars/Star Trek parodies with gay furry alien sex except now they’re actually canon.

In any case, that’s the review. Hope it was worth it.

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