Hell Ride

Adapted from a SpringThing25 Review

Played: 4/7/25
Playtime: 3hr, finished with walkthrough goosing

In the past I have observed a few “Golden Oldie” creative choices that are poison to my enjoyment of IF. Unavoidable instant death. Silently unwinnable states. Inventory management. Opaque solutions to invisible problems - ie required moves not narratively clued, that are unlikely to register as tasks, but even if understood, the WHAT of the task is equally opaque. Hell Ride exhibits all of those, not pervasively but notably.

Review Spoiler: not only did those things not kill my experience, they didn’t even destroy the flavor of it. Before I get to the triumphant plot twist, lets explore the makeup of the poison here.

Inventory management is the softest poison in HR. Your inventory space here is actually quite large, including a fanny pack that you can shunt stuff into. The world is similarly chockablock with stuff to grab, much of it red herrings. It is a somewhat baffling equation though. The game lets you carry WAAAY more stuff than physically plausible. This is fine, probably preferred actually! It is a gameplay concession that reduces friction and a bit of ‘realism’ we are fine without. However, there IS an arbitrary line drawn where EVENTUALLY you have to start juggling things between ‘hand’ and ‘pack.’ There is no ‘realism’ this is in service of, the line manifests when your inventory is laughably large, so it begs the question, why bother with that limit at all? It is unnecessary friction.

Instant death is also an issue, though arguably the one instance of it is completely narratively justified, so much so that even an incompetent like myself knew enough to savegame before committing to the path. Poison neutralized.

The silently unwinnable states are more insidious. I detected two during gameplay (which I savvily avoided), and fell into a third that seemed bug driven? When I tried to use string and gum to better my odds (Spoiler - click to show)at a dime toss, I entered a state where the string thought it was attached to a dime that no longer existed, AND the (Spoiler - click to show)magic dime I ACTUALLY needed was rendered unavailable. I identified it as unwinnable almost immediately, but only through meta-experience. The game itself was going to let me play forEVER in that state. These I do not forgive so easily.

The last was the worst. There is a chokepoint puzzle maybe 2/3 the way in that there is no way I could determine was even a ‘puzzle’ let alone what to do about it. There are locked doors. Getting the key required (Spoiler - click to show)giving objects to a character that expressed no interest in them (in my playthrough). Giving similar objects might or might not have resulted in soft cluing, but even thinking to do that was prompted nowhere in the game. It was the mind-readiest of mind-reading puzzles.

These were all compounded by infrequent but numerous technical issues. Besides the string bug above, game state was stubbornly static. Descriptions continued to hint at objects you had long taken and moved. Vital objects are not mentioned AT ALL in the text of the game, and were only secured because they were noted on the pdf-eelie map. Some conversation topics were necessary for progress, but near-neighbor topics ignored, suggesting no value in probing for more. There is a no-image mode of play (which, as an anti-ChatGPT zealot was the only way I was going to play), which the text inadequately compensated color information for, making some puzzles much clumsier.

Ok, the litany is long. You saw the spoiler though. I actually really enjoyed this game a lot. The most obvious way this game minimized the poisons is simple, well understood, yet still less frequently employed than I would like. There was a Walkthrough. Any time things started to drag, I could goose forward by (maybe restarting or reloading and) cheating past the offending blockage. This game, more than any in immediate memory, demonstrates the value of this ONE SIMPLE TRICK BIG I-F DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT. Walkthroughs are not a panacea however. Simple presence may change a rage-quit to a joyless, mechanical transcription but it will not on its own rescue the experience.

No, the game did that with all the things it did SO SO RIGHT.

For one, I LOVED LOVED LOVED the evidence gathering mechanic. Oh, yeah, the plot: you are a reporter gathering evidence against a shady carnival. The evidence gathering mechanic was wonderful - integrating question asking, lore reading, clue finding into an intuitive and cohesive whole only SLIGHTLY showing its gameplay underpinnings in a way that soft-clued the player how to use it. It is essentially a parallel puzzle you are working while doing standard explore-grab-fiddle parser puzzles. Its inclusion was a standout for me, complicating and enriching the game in all the right ways.

The setting was also engaging. Carnivals are just classic parser settings, and this one was rendered with real verve and detail. Everything you think should be there, is, and most of it is interact..able(?) even when not strictly necessary for the plot. It was a really complete, largely bug-free, certainly engaging experience.

Then there is the ineffable vibe of the thing. The author notes that Hell Ride was created in the 80s and updated today, and does it ever capture the feel of an 80s parser. You might not think that is a compliment, but boy howdy it is. It is more verbose than what I would think of as 80s-provenance, but its level of detail and soft word choice are that alchemical mix of full-but-indirect that cues the player which elements of detail are worth probing and which are not. And more often than not it does so effortlessly. The language, finely tuned level of detail, employment of repetition all steer into the traditions of 80s games, not yet infused with expectations and conventions of the next century. Couple that with puzzle design that was SO much in line with 80s conventions you might as well have been playing this IN THE DAY. Puzzle solving was as much a logical exercise as a muscle memory one, dredging up 80s neurons that were patiently waiting for exactly this to re-fire. These resonances had the effect of buying forgiveness for its faults in ways we forgave 80s games because we didn’t know any better yet.

So yeah, I found this game unplayable without the walkthrough. It tried its best to poison me on multiple fronts. Rasputin-like, this reviewer survived all those malicious attempts to.. drown in a river? Wait, no, to revel in a wonderful throwback experience, enhanced by a truly unique and enjoyable detective mechanism.

For those that doubt the power of the WALKTHROUGH, you are on notice.

Horror Icon: Jigsaw
Vibe: Classic parser
Polish: Rough
Gimme the Wheel! : Clearly I would go on a bug-squashing spree, starting with that string/dime thing. I would follow that up by reworking that chokepoint non-puzzle into something a player might recognize. Then fix states, room descriptions, cue unwinnable states… but whatever I did I would PRESERVE THAT WALKTHROUGH.

Polish scale: Gleaming, Smooth, Textured, Rough, Distressed
Gimme the Wheel: What I would do next, if it were my project.