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Disappointingly Uneven, March 22, 2014
This isn't really a mystery; if anything, it's a thriller.
It needs to be edited, and strongly, and probably twice. It's reasonably coherent and there are some effective moments, but there's too much wheel spinning, especially at the beginning, and the whole piece is uneven in tone and pacing. There are a few typos, misused phrases, and the occasional missed word or incomplete sentence. Dialogue is punctuated erratically. And there's a lot of cruft that could be edited out to make a tighter, more effective piece.
The mystery elements are disappointing, and there's no real sense of suspense. (Spoiler - click to show)In fact, should you happen to choose the right scenes in the right order, you'll quickly be given the answers, but you'll only receive credit for them in the end if you continue choosing correctly all the way through. Is there anything less compelling than a mystery where the characters figure out the villain halfway through and turn out to be right?
I know this review sounds pretty harsh, but these are all things the author could fix, if not in this game, in the next. I see a lot of potential here, if things were just edited more ruthlessly. And I'll definitely check out her next work.