Far-Out Space Freaks

You're lost in space, and everything's gone wrong... just as it usually does.

This was written for the 18th Anniversary Speed-IF. The parameters were:"fly a ship and land it in multiple places (planets, asteroids, stations), giant space monster, shape-changing alien, alien infiltrator, no legitimate crew, wormhole, solar flares as a danger, zero gravity, a mysteriously brooding character, weird space combat, getting drunk/high in space, male sexy green alien, instant cloning machine, ray gun, space pizza delivery, and Christopher Walken."