Ratings and Reviews by Lance Cirone

In this game, you run a 1940s theme restaurant, full of amusingly awful items, a band playing non-stop, and a toilet that's more high-tech than a good portion of your kitchen utensils. You are tasked with appeasing a food critic to save your restaurant. Everything that goes wrong can, in a really slapstick comedy way that lends itself to fun puzzles. The scope of the game is well-contained, mainly just focusing on finding things you need to serve your meal, and there's only a handful of rooms.

The quality and frequency of the jokes is the high point of the game. I tried a bunch of different actions and searches, even when I knew they wouldn't work, just to see the responses. Even the name of the restaurant ("Mack n' Geez") made me laugh when I first read it. I also like the added variety for messages that'll show up a lot, such as taking an item or running into a wrong exit. The descriptions of the rooms also change accordingly during the last part of the meal, to reflect the chef's mood. I think I ran into a bug near the end of the game, where (Spoiler - click to show)I couldn't reach for the lobster even though I ran the other two customers out and Mrs. Davenport was distracted, but I still enjoyed it. If you want something light and quick, check this out.

Never Gives Up Her Dead is a massive puzzler reliant on multiple set pieces, all tied together with an intriguing concept. The game openly states at the beginning that the protagonist, Emrys, is going to die at the end. I was initially conflicted about this idea. I was worried that it would make the game too much of a downer and detach me from the experience, but it started to make me wonder... how, when, and why would this happen? There is a general sense of hopefulness throughout the main game as you do your best to retrieve stolen items for the rest of your crewmates, lifting their spirits in times of disaster. You don't spend super long with any of the characters, but they serve their purposes well. The game keeps the inevitable ending in the back of your head by revealing more backstory every time you solve a dimension.

The structure of the game ensures that even if you're stuck on a puzzle, it's still fun to play and feel like you're making progress. If I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere, I'd just shrug off, "maybe I don't have what I need yet" and go to a different dimension. Either I'd come across something that gave me an idea on what to do, or by the time I was ready to return, I'd have some new insight and pick up on something I didn't before. Also, in the style of Cragne Manor, you have an infinite-capacity rucksack you can put items in to cut down on inventory bloat. It's a convenient option to have, especially in the endgame. One feature you get in the midgame is (Spoiler - click to show)an upgrade that lets you detect items that belong to different dimensions, effectively cluing you in on where to use them. You even get to label the dimensions yourself. The first time I used it, I stumbled across an item I didn't even know was free to take and immediately knew what it was for!

The game starts with a really interesting scene. You have a presentation to give, but no time to prepare for it. While you're in the closet to look for the captain's signature jacket, you can grab anything you think might help for your presentation. Emrys's character is introduced when we see how she manages to make something inspiring and thoughtful out of even the most mundane and decidedly garbage objects (such as a toy robot to represent advancements in technology, or a rubber spider that segues into how we face our fears).

Also, only after reflecting on my notes after beating the game did I notice that (Spoiler - click to show)all of these items actually connect to the dimensions later on! One thing this game excels at is contextualizing everything. Nothing is thrown in for the sake of it, and even seemingly disconnected segments do all come together by the end. My favorite instance of this would be (Spoiler - click to show)the ending, where you get to reunite with characters from previous dimensions at a party in your honor. There's also a neat museum segment before it where you get to see how your actions have advanced science, all of them calling back to the previous parts of the games. It's careful writing, giving everything a purpose but not restricting the actual gameplay and ideas.

Going over the gameplay will also require me to spoil some of the special mechanics and gimmicks the areas have. Discovering them was part of the fun for me, so I'd recommend playing the game blind before reading further. I won't give away puzzle solutions, but I will discuss some of them.

The first portal has you visiting (Spoiler - click to show)a sort of therapy/horror combo called Monsters Inside. While there are plenty of monsters, they're more busy with their own personal problems than wanting to scare you. One of my favorite puzzles is trying to find the Pharaoh's cat: he likes "organs, hearts, and teeth", but not in a biological sense like you might think. The second half takes place outside a castle, where you have to find a way up. This was the first place I found, but for some reason, I blanked out on finding the dictionary and thought it would be elsewhere, so this ended up being the last thing I solved.

The wax museum (Spoiler - click to show)challenges you to play cheesy, arcade-style games or solve historical figure-oriented puzzles in each room. I love the atmosphere and how the puzzles blend in with the scenery and statues you come across. I got a good laugh out of some of the jokes here: the incredibly self-congratulatory winners shelf that makes you feel dumb even after you solve a puzzle correctly, the statue of Fish Blade the mime, and the fake-out with the absurdly complicated machine near the end. The puzzles here require some more thinking outside the box than the rest, but everything makes sense if you're looking out for the clues.

My favorite segment would be the train (Spoiler - click to show)murder mystery. You get to interview four different suspects, exploring their flashbacks through mini-puzzles, and writing down clues. If you find a contradiction between two alibis, you can link them together for a new subject to press into further. The dialogue system is very easy to use -- each topic is given a one-word description to identify it, and you can easily look back at conversations you've already had. I love the unique backstories each character has, and how fast new information is revealed. Excellent writing, and a lot of fun to play through. But the fact that it was all part of a game does make me wonder if anything said here was true at all, especially since Maeve is a real person in the ending segment. This was the first dimension I solved, and I smiled at the Maeve/Mefe connection, especially Emrys asking about the rhinestone jumpsuit: "Just thinking of a friend of mine."

Another especially fun segment comes in the Adventureland (Spoiler - click to show)robot fights. Here, you get to program up to five moves for your robots and then take them to an arena. Besides just shooting, you can aim to ensure accuracy, or hide behind scenery so you can't get hit. You also have an ultra-powerful grenade you can use once per battle. There's a lot of strategy to planning out your moves, and it's really exciting to see how it plays out on the field.

The horror caves (Spoiler - click to show)definitely have a different vibe than the rest of the story. You're given a spellbook and have to find scrolls to learn more spells. Some of the descriptions, and the different ways you can die, are incredibly disturbing. Judging by the hint thread, I think this one gave people the most trouble. I had already beta tested this and Adventureland before playing the final game, so I had a good idea of what to do here. Still, a fun segment altogether.

The monument islands (Spoiler - click to show)weren't one of my favorite segments. It's probably just because I missed a key detail about the cannons, and went almost the entire game before I figured out I could solve them. I also ended up getting hardlocked in the library due to an extremely rare bug with the clock that prevented fumigation from ever ending, but I think anyone else should be fine. The calculator puzzle thankfully wasn't as difficult as I expected, since most of the formulas and numbers are given.

The tool dimension (Spoiler - click to show)makes use of a concept I love: getting an ability that unlocks new upgrades over time. The progression here is comparable to Junior Arithmancer, where you have to find shards that will further upgrade your tool. It also gives you an incentive to explore the other dimensions, to find rifts and doors you weren't able to open the first time around. The mini tests and puzzles you get to solve to test out the new tools are alright, too.

The zoo dimension (Spoiler - click to show)is pretty open-ended, where you have to find 11 drone parts by exploring a zoo. You're able to leash some of the animals and bring them to other places, and puzzles like riding the goat or chasing the snake around are enjoyable. It's not too difficult, but the caiman puzzle had me stuck for a while. It's cool to see how many different biomes and animals there are, and the informational signs help out a lot.

The lakeside cabin dimension (Spoiler - click to show)is a pretty simple one, where you have to renovate a cabin and explore a garden. Throughout, you uncover journal pages that give you hints on how to progress and tell you a bit of backstory. I liked this one, it was pretty easy to know what to do with all the tools and pieces, and combining them together was satisfying.

After you clear all nine dimensions, you reach the endgame. (Spoiler - click to show)Here, you learn the true extent of what everything you've done meant. The only thing left is for you to go back and sacrifice yourself in the reactor. The story anticipates that you might not want to do this, with Emrys's available dialogue choices. However, you can also send your guide Arawn in your stead, since the body was burned beyond recognition and it will not mess up the timeline severely. No matter which of the two you choose here, you're sent into the same puzzle chain, from my testing. I like that it incorporates puzzles from Monsters Inside and Adventureland, but combines them together for something new. Getting to talk to your crewmates from the computer as you activate the radiation shields is a bittersweet moment. Going into the core requires a small puzzle, but you turn the valve that ends up killing either you or Arawn. The buildup to this moment was amazing, but I wish there was a bit more to the actual movement. You get a yes/no prompt, a brief description, then a memorial based on what you told Gareth earlier. It just felt a bit anticlimactic after everything. Also, since the contents of the tank were described as molten and there was coolant and water, I was wondering if this was a fake-out ending? Is there more to do after this point, or did I give up too early?

(Spoiler - click to show)The alternate ending is when you destroy the recorder, sending you back into the chaos as you're left scrambling to escape the ship. The atmosphere is a lot darker, and some new areas of the ship open up for puzzles. In this ending, both you and Gareth manage to survive, but many others aboard the ship don't. You and him are then cryogenically frozen, leaving off on the note that your future is finally your own. Seeing the consequences of what would've happened if you didn't seal the rifts is a good concept, but outside of escaped criminal Tiffany, it doesn't amount to much. To summarize, I have minor gripes about the endings, but they doesn't detract from the experience.

It's always nice to have a game that's giant in scope and full of puzzles, but the most important part of Never Gives Up Her Dead for me is that it's always fair. Nothing in it comes off as random or underclued, and I felt like every solution was easily solvable if I just looked around a bit more or thought about the clues from a different perspective. You're able to make progress at a good pace without getting hung up on anything for too long.

The prose deserves special praise, being concise without obscuring necessary detail. It knows what to emphasize, and the language used lets you know how to interact with items without running into parser issues. It's all too easy to overlook this, but when I only had two issues with the parser over the hours I spent typing commands, it's a pretty good sign.

In one sentence, it's a Mathbrush game, so you know it's going to be great.

This quick SpeedIF was written under command to include various random topics in a game, which include Hank Buzzcrack, Mother Theresa, T.S. Eliot, the golden banana of discord, and Grant Stern. This game uses Best of Three's engine to cast you as Gustav Schmidt. It's all a little confusing without context. I'm not especially well-versed in IF history and, much like Grant and Gustav, had no idea who Hank Buzzcrack was.

Perhaps the most interesting part is when you ask Grant about his desires:
"Desires? [...] I would like to undo a mistake I made, a mistake of attitude that hurt someone. I would like— many things that are not possible." This seems to be referring to Helen from Best of Three, whom you can also ask about. Much of the gameplay comes down to reading topics from a list to see who gets to take home the golden banana of discord. Still, Grant definitely feels like himself and I enjoyed reading what he had to say.

This game is supposed to teach you about trumpets, but it's so vaguely described that I don't feel like I got anything out of it. You start off in a Swiss Celtic village and then take a time portal through periods of history to steal trumpets until you return to your own time. This sounds like an interesting premise, but there's barely anything to do or look at in each room. You can die in a few ways, though: one puzzle kills you for not knowing which keys 17th century trumpets can play in, before it teaches you. You can also die if you drop the sword (it lands on your foot) but you can eat it just fine.

After you get all the trumpets and return home, it says "You can tell this time portal will get you to your own time but reflecting on your journey you know so much about the Trumpet you may get you A+ in music history!" It's a nice sentiment, at least.

I admit to being a bit turned away by the word "erotic" in this game's summary. Thankfully, the other reviews convinced me to give it a try. The most suggestive parts of the game just come from the character's imagination and the blurry, out-of-focus images of the Baroness in the magazine -- nothing outright graphic or sexual is shown or described.

You're in the waiting room of Baroness Valerie and preparing to sell her insurance. But your eye is drawn to a crooked painting hanging on the wall above the couch, and that bothers you. Fixing this will launch you into a chain reaction of other things going wrong around the house. It's easy to follow and the parser is responsive.

One detail I really liked is that you can get the best ending without needing to earn every point available. I finished with around 47 and still got it. Replaying the game to look for things you've missed is fun, and there are a few obscure ones I stumbled into (such as (Spoiler - click to show)kissing the magazine or (Spoiler - click to show)feeding the fish twice). I do wonder if there's a 100% guide for this game anywhere, though.

Like a few others, I was confused by the lead-in to the ending. I thought it would be a separate puzzle, and there's an aquarium full of water, so I was trying to use that to extinguish the fire. But the best ending is a nice note to go off on.

This is a short puzzler that isn't hard and I definitely enjoyed playing.

I beta tested Assembly. In the process, I ran into many wardrobe-related mishaps, proving that "HINDER" was more than living up to its name. But now that everything's ironed out, I'd definitely recommend the game. It takes a mundane setting like an IKEA and manages to make it surprisingly off-putting. The core mechanic is being able to use instruction booklets and furniture parts to build and disassemble pieces of furniture. It's responsive and makes you think about what items you can make to solve certain puzzles. The two ending puzzles are definitely the highlight; it's so exciting when you finally realize "wait, I get to do ''that''"? Ultimately, I had a lot of fun with this one.

I got to be a beta tester for Honk!, and the game blew me away.

The game takes place in and around a circus, where the performances are being sabotaged by a mysterious Phantom. You, Lola the Clown, must use your skills (mostly pie-throwing and nose-honking) to put a stop to it. The main portion of the gameplay is figuring out how to work through your circus mates' performances by using the tools you find around the carnival in creative ways. The performances can be solved in any order you want, and each has an engaging and fast-paced puzzle to go with it. You're also given as many chances as you need to get through one, and the respective performers have plenty of hints to offer, so it never feels like you're out of options.

Each of the characters are full of personality. The game shows this through letting you talk to them before, during, and after the performances, explore the inside of their campers, and giving each one unique speaking styles and idle actions. The first puzzle I chose to solve was with Freda the strongwoman, who happens to be your girlfriend. During her final show, lifting up an audience member, the Phantom shows up and turns out to be too heavy even for her. While the solution is inventive and one of the easier segments here, there's also a lot of ways for this to go wrong -- some of them involve hurting Freda, which made me feel guilty and forced me to go back, a testament to just how well this came sold me on its characters.

Ken Lawn's show was easily one of the funniest parts of the game for me, which is saying a lot. Lawn is a goose tamer who tries to have his goose tell a story for the audience (titled The Goose Who Ran Into Traffic And Got Hit By A Car) through hand motions -- but when the Phantom blindfolds the goose before the show, Lola has to use noises to get it to follow along. Lawn's oddly serious, no-nonsense personality contrasted with him desperately gesturing at a blindfolded goose had me laughing even when I was still figuring out the puzzle.

Adagio the magician also has her magic show sabotaged. The Phantom steals her method of escape when she ties herself up and lowers herself into a tank of water, forcing you to think fast and come up with an alternate solution to cut the rope. I liked the solution here a lot: (Spoiler - click to show)it makes use of a lot of small parts you'll probably have noticed, but not known how to put together yet.

This game's jokes also bring it up a lot: multiple lines had me laughing out loud. One highlight would have to be the dialogue when Adagio is about to tell you how her magic trick works. Rather than keep it a secret, you can ask if you can tell Freda. Then Ken, then your boss, then your brothers, then the guy who runs the Monster Manor, then the goose... she says yes to that last one, at least. There's also plenty of fun to be had in throwing pies at whatever you can imagine. Default responses are practically nowhere, as the game responded accordingly to whatever I tried to do during my playthrough -- everything has a bit of extra flavor to it from Lola's perspective.

I don't want to go into the endgame portion too much, but I found it satisfying and everything comes together in the end. The one flaw I had was a janky mechanic involving the circus ring and how hard it was to get back up once you left -- but I hear that this has been addressed since I played it. With all this said, Honk! is a masterclass in working humor, puzzles, and characters I care about all in one easily-accessible package. There's no objectionable content here and nothing is scary, it's very kid-friendly! I'd recommend it to anyone.