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Review
The setting and the nature of the interaction are both novel to the form and aimed straight at my brain. WWI-era technology, one-eyed aces, snow-covered wilderness, and difficult romance between fierce rivals? These are what I dream about, and Pacian does them quite a bit of justice.
More technically, the passage-by-passage quality of the prose was mostly sufficient to overcome the piece's structural (especially pacing) weaknesses.
The characterization of the protagonist inhabits a middle ground between a fully defined person and a shell for the user. This works well in some genres, but it's slightly awkward in a game as personality- (and conversation-) driven as this one. The talk is rather one-sided, and the NPC's emotions seem less justified for lack of a worthy target. This could be largely overcome by making the conversational options more symmetrical, by which I mean writing responses for "tell X" analogous to those already written for "ask X", although this risks making the conversation overly mechanical if carried out poorly. (Such a modification might also increase the perceived "challenge" of changing the relationship between the characters, which I agree would be an improvement.)
Don't let these problems put you off, though: like those of the protagonists of Aces, my attacks are made with admiration. Forget my criticisms and get in your plane.
