The title made me suspect that this is Yet Another Apartment or House Game.
Then I thought that perhaps the author was playing a Deep Game. Perhaps the author was trying to lure me in. "Mwuhahahaha! I will make 'em all think this is a crappy apartment or house game when in fact it is anything BUT that!" cackled the anonymous author. Yes, perhaps I was just a pawn, falling into anonymous' trap...
What's this? (Spoiler - click to show)Then I started getting persistent and uncapitalized messages about how I really need to unlock my house before i wet my pants?
Yes, this author was playing a very Deep Game.
>unlock door with copper key
You unlock the front door.
gotta go! gotta go!
>pee self
That's not a verb I recognize.
>urinate
That's not a verb I recognize.
>relax
That's not a verb I recognize.
>release urinary sphincter
That's not a verb I recognize.
So, ultimately, this really is just a crappy apartment game, albeit with a twist.
It would really be great if people would stop entering coding exercises into the IF Comp.