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Witness to the end

by akhmin


Web Site

(based on 2 ratings)
1 review

About the Story

Be an observer when it all ends.

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Number of Reviews: 1
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
2, 3/5?, July 21, 2021

G'day, I read it.
First off- check your inconsistencies! You've used ';' wrong, and have some commas followed by capitalised words, When they shouldn't be.

Also, setting: you like to hear yourself talk. That can be good and entertaining, except nearly every second link leads me to a situation that is completely new and doesn't seem to follow any story I was on before.
This would work if the overarching story was meant to be nonsensical or express a point about the absurdity of a storyline, but that point was never hit.

I appreciate the spirit and excitement behind it- if you keep going and start with something concrete first, then it'll work.

Ultimate point: know the rules first before you break them. Establish a story before you dismantle it. There's something impressive about pulling back the sheet on something we think we're seeing or to break down something complicated, but there's nothing impressive about seeing someone break down something that's already broken down. It's like seeing someone deconstruct a car, versus seeing someone play with an already deconstructed car.

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This is version 1 of this page, edited by akh_baba on 15 June 2021 at 2:57pm. - View Update History - Edit This Page - Add a News Item - Delete This Page