When Rock Meets Watermelon

You, a human mage with little to no reputation (who needs that anyway), are friends with an elf from Summer called Cocoa Lire. You (for some mysterious reason) call her Watermelon.

However, you learn that she is having an affair with a human commander called Jael Rock, which is disastrous for a whole host of reasons:

Too many to list here (but you get the idea)

Your solution? Convince them to end the relationship!

However, a small problem called 'true love' may make this harder than you think...

WARNING: Contains sadistic goats, holy cucumbers, and a whole lot of other things that may cause heinous offence. You have been warned.

There are seven 'endings' to reach. If you like that kind of thing.

Written for EndMaster's Prompt Contest 2.

Prompt 35: 'A story where you must save someone close to you from a disastrous relationship.'

S.D.G
Edit 6/6/24 - fixed some typos