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Review

Shaken AND Stirred, May 12, 2024
Related reviews: Spring Thing 24

Adapted from a SpringThing24 Review

Played: 4/15/24
Playtime: 1.75hrs, current ending

‘Product Misuse’ is a squirrelly legal tactic, used to limit financial liability when injuries result from products being used in ways not intended or sanctioned by manufacturers. It is squirrelly because the law specifically allows for liability when products are used in ways ‘foreseeable to the manufacturer’ even if unintended. You see the problem. What is a reasonable test for ‘foreseeable’? It is further complicated by a patchwork of US state laws, some of which put the burden on the manufacturer to show it is not foreseeable, while others put the burden on the plaintiff to prove it was not misuse!

This review engages a 3-chapter preview of a longer work (ooh! smashcut from seemingly disconnected review intro… that could be… FORESHADOWING!) , a medieval fantasy work set in a world of magic and man-mythical creature bonding and horny young(?) adults. It’s Dragonriders of Porn! If you think I went way out of my way to unfairly make that crack, which is almost certainly NOT the first time it’s ever been coined, you are a longtime reader that has a firm grasp on the cut of my jib. It is ChoiceScript, and adheres to the idiosyncrasies of that platform, not the least of which is a tiresome eye color/hair color/gender detail selection sequence. Notwithstanding that ChoiceScript fealty, I found the work itself to be both well and inadequately written.

I found the broad strokes world building pretty competent and engaging. The socio-political conflicts were vibrant and interesting. The details of magic, multi-versal worlds, and mythical creatures were familiar with enough unique spin to engage. Certainly, I felt invested in the proceedings, and ate up each new piece of the background in my quest to understand more. It was most accomplished, I thought, when describing physical environs, showing a nice eye for composition and detail and providing some really fantastical settings including alien worlds, natural wonders, and magic-informed architectures. The overall sense of place and setting was really top notch. Kudos for that! It was so well done, it formed a perfect background for… ah, not yet, I’ll get to it.

I did not resonate with the characters that inhabited this world so well. The NPCs were certainly pleasant enough: some roguish, some noble, some tortured and mysterious, none of them super vivid or escaping their archetype but yeah, certainly pleasant. The protagonist though is where the true break happened. Despite head feinting at player autonomy, the work had a very specific idea about the protagonists’ arc. It provided choices that let you steer, but the surrounding text attributed thoughts, emotions and subsequent actions that really only made sense if you were on one path: (Spoiler - click to show)breaking with your past and getting on board with your new warrior-mage life.

So here’s the thing, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. The setup is, you are an accomplished spy, in service of your king, on a very specific diplomatic mission. “Got it!” sez I, “I’m Fantasy James Bond.” Or in my case, JACE Bond, and yes, name chosen deliberately. Once that thought flashed in my head, it struck me as such a powerful premise I could not let go of it. No matter how hard the narrative pushed me to do so. (I also named my raptor-pet Claudia Schiffer. If I had fully baked my approach just a few screens sooner it would have been Moneypenny.)

Every subsequent action I took was me fighting the work to implement that compelling vision. Cartoonish (figuratively) cat-petting villain? Check! Love interests? More like (super explicit) Fantasy Bond Girls! Injustices around me? Excellent levers to pull against the villainous mastermind! A helpful familiar? More like a combination Q-gadget and Mish Moneypenny! Choice of wardrobe and drinks? Fantasy Tuxedos and Fantasy Martinis! Leave my employer for a new life of magic and wonder? More like deep undercover for His Majesty’s Secret Service! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I commit to the bit HARD.

I commit to it so hard, I had to start ignoring text, particularly the text that tried to dictate my thoughts and reactions, and instead head-canon'd my own. I only reluctantly accepted a magical animal bond, my first thought being “Why can’t I just bond with Claudia Schiffer?” (Which, not the first time in my life I’ve had that thought, amirite former adolescent cis boys??) I mentally translated “I would like a relationship with X” to “I seduce X for information or advantage.” I rejected any text that tried to pretend this new life held any attraction for me. Here’s the weird thing - THE WORK CONTINUED TO LET ME DO THIS! Time after time, choice after choice, I thought “surely my road runs out here…” No! Right up to the end, actions remained available that lent themselves to a Bond Movie re-interpretation, and all it required was liberally ignoring and rewriting some mental descriptions which the work had no right to in the first place!

Members of the jury, If I was “misusing” the work, WHY DID IT CONTINUE TO CONSISTENTLY FEED ME OPENINGS??? This leaves me in a weird place, review wise. Hands down, I had the most fun with this entry over anything in SpringThing24. I took PAGES of notes, several times more than any other work. I have written more about this work than any other (if this review looks long to you, know that I have re-edited myself multiple times trying to get this just right, leaving many moments of pure joy on the cutting room floor). I ACTIVELY CONSIDERED CREATING THREADS OF ALTERNATE CHOICE TEXT TO SUBMIT TO THE AUTHOR IN SERVICE OF THIS CONCEIT, LIKE SOME FPS FAN MOD/SKIN.

But. I cannot deny that the headiest joy came from my subversive reinterpretation, and the dizzying realization that the author’s choice architecture improbably continued to let me play. It seems obvious that I was not actually embracing the author’s full vision here. So we are back to ‘foreseeable use.’ And is it on me to prove I was not misusing the work, or on the author to prove this was not foreseeable when it played along SO, SO WELL? You gave me the interactivity, don’t be mad that I used it! This could take years of litigating JJMcC V INK AND INTRIGUE to decide. Thank you Judge, members of the jury, this concludes my opening statement.

Mystery, Inc: Animal Best Friends? Shaggy.
Vibe: under pending litigation
Polish: Gleaming
Gimme the Wheel! : So if it were MY work, I would excise all text that attributed or editorialized the protagonist’s thoughts, feelings and desires. Instead, I would render their choices as ACTIONS TAKEN, with event consequences, but leave the motivations and other soft stuff in the player’s head. This is really, really hard to do, but I’d do it by crumb. Having said that, the author is under no obligation to tell any story other than the one they want to, including a definitive protagonists’ arc. I’m just saying what I would do. If the author chooses not to, I call dibs on the Fantasy James Bond conceit.

Polish scale: Gleaming, Smooth, Textured, Rough, Distressed
Gimme the Wheel: What I would do next, if it were my project.

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