by The TAV Institute

Science Fiction

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Number of Reviews: 5
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5 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
Accelerate Review, November 11, 2020

Since I don't usually enjoy reading a story without leaving some kind of feedback, I guess it's time to do just that. And I guess I have to preface this with saying that of all the CYOA games, short stories, webcomics and any other type of online stories I've read, this was only the second time where I truly don't have anything very good to say about it.

I've seen you around on the IF forums and thought that it was a bit strange how you talked on there, but I kind of just overlooked it. I saw the website on your profile and was curious enough to click on it, which in hindsight wasn't a great move. It looked more like the website for a cult than a place to show off your work. But I guess it didn't really have that 90's feel that cult websites usually have. But, it was colorful and had some kind of cryptic wording and whatnot so I figured I'd give it a look.

Well, at least I kind of knew what I was getting into after reading the notes and opening. Problem was, all I knew I was getting into was some kind of bizarre nonsensical mess of words which lacked any sort of real consistency or substance. Maybe I'm too smart for it, or too stupid for it, or just haven't been off my meds enough to understand what on Earth is going on here, but I can tell I wasn't a fan of it. I like rambling, and philosophy, and the occasional bouts of random babbling. But faux philosophical random babbling? Not a huge fan of it. It feels like it was trying to be deep without substance. Complex without meaning. Like you were trying to make us think this was a deep story while also not having a story to begin with. Trying to decipher what it is you are trying to say with meaningless contradictions and nonsensical ramble. It isn't deep, or fun, or thought provoking. It's just a bit of a chore. I have enough existential crisis without having to realize I just spent some of the little time I have on this Earth trying to figure out whatever kind of existential crisis YOU were trying to portray. But I suppose I ought to not judge to harshly without trying this kind of writing for myself:

I am the Father of all things, though nothing yet exists...
Born in a time before time, and yet I've always been here...
I hold the fate of the universe in my hands, and yet I am powerless to stop it's ceaseless change...
Humanity holds the key to the future, and yet will always stay in the past...

Well, I take it back. It IS hard to come up with something so devoid of substance. I have no doubt that I could hold at least some sort of discussion about what my little writings meant, despite meaning nothing at all. But I can't for the life of me do the same for this story.

I'm trying not to be too harsh. And I'm sorry that I am. But this wasn't a good story. The UI wasn't good, the music wasn't good, the cover art wasn't good. It just wasn't good. And I don't know how it could be salvaged without a complete rewrite. And by that I mean writing a new story. I can't give constructive criticism on this because I don't know what advice I can give to actually fix this.

But I can give you constructive criticism, I suppose. Look, you should do what you like and what makes you happy. And if this is what makes you happy, then by all means, please, make more. Life is short and it's better to write what makes you happy than to write what other people like. If those two things come together, if both you and your audience are happy with your work, then that's wonderful. Don't let people dissuade you from doing what you love and don't let reviews like mine stop you from putting your vision out there. But don't just ignore other people's opinions on it or lash out at others for their views. You shared your view with the world. And now they share their view with you. You put something out there for everyone to see which is an accomplishment in and of itself.

So I suppose that's it. This has taken far longer than I wanted to write, and I've written far more than I have time for. I don't know what is going on with this stuff the other reviewer said you were doing. Hopefully that isn't true. But if it is, then you can add "stop doing that" to my constructive criticism for you.

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