The Adventures of Peter Patzer, Who Sought Masterhood and Returned Not Quite the Same

You are Peter Patzer, on a quest, seeking chess mastery. Patzer you are, in name and being. Many are the legends told of your rotten moves at the chessboard. You are so lousy that your good moves cause others at the chess club to snicker with laughter. Strong players run away from you, afraid of being peppered with silly questions. Well, you get the idea. You have resolved to finally do something about your appalling chess skills.

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