Dragons and Tears: Part 1 of The Spiraling Darkness Trilogy

There is a theory that if you make a game that is really bad, but you know that it is really bad and signal this to the reader, the game will be funny. This theory is false.

There is another, even more popular, theory that if you make a game that is really bad in the same ways that some other bad games are really bad, but you know this and the other guys were just incompetent, then your game is a piece of satire. This theory is also false.

Here we have a bad fantasy title, useless choices, arbitrary deaths, a (paradoxically enough) lame running gag, and a story that doesn't make sense. Perhaps this adds up to a brilliant joke when you encounter it in the middle of Saints Row 3, from which the game is apparently taken. Outside of that context, it certainly doesn't.

The flagstones littered throughout are entirely too deadly. Please patch.

Furthermore, the endgame lacks even the slightest bit of moral choice. At the end when you (Spoiler - click to show)brutally murder the unicorn because you are a horrible, reprehensible person, there should at least be an option to instead (Spoiler - click to show)befriend the beautiful, sexy unicorn.